i need a distraction



…
i've been working here for 4 years now… it's been wonderful years, new knowledge, experience, friends and all…
walaupun sebenernya gak sejalan sama latar pendidikanku, tapi aku suka kerja disini… kerjaanku bener2 sesuai dengan profilku, yang seneng banget ketelitian dan kadang sedikit perfectionist (sedikit  aja)… eehhmm… okay, i admit… i am perfectionist!

but this couple of months, bekerja disini sedikit agak berat juga… karena partner kerjaku pindah keluar negeri, suaminya kuliah ke Australia, dan dia sangat senang untuk ikut, apalagi dengan tawaran untuk kerja di HQ…

orang2 yang dekat denganku semua pergi jauh, Andi yang memutuskan untuk kerja di Singapura, mbak Diah yang pindah ke Australia… aku merasa jadi agak gamang, belum lagi perasaan ini yang selalu mengganggu…

mengganggu konsentrasi, perasaan tersisihkan, perasaan cemburu, perasaan kurang cukup baik… aaahhhh… aku harus melakukan sesuatu untuk membuang semua perasaan ini…

pengganti mbak Diah, orangnya sama sekali tidak menyenangkan, aku sudah berusaha untuk menjalin kerja sama dengannya, tapi sepertinya pekerjaanku selalu tidak cukup baik untuk dia, dia yang sering sibuk sendiri, entah sibuk dengan apa…

aku sudah selalu berusaha untuk melakukan yang terbaik… hey, i'm the perfectionist one, remember?
but it's never good enough for her, she's even not my boss (yet)!

and the thing that almost unbearable to see is… his affection for her… aarrrggghh… she's new here, just past a year, and we're never be sure that she'll pass another year here… okay, okay… i'm exagerating here…

but i want to be like her… to have his affection…
i know this feeling is not right, he is not right… oh my God, what should i do with my self? how can i let this feeling growing inside me… i should stop this…

should i go? but i'm not a coward who left the battle zone, right?
but it's almost unbearable... every day, being near him, without him noticing me…

memang sih… ada banyak karyawan di kantor ini yang jadi bawahannya… tapi dengan prestasiku selama ini, aku mengharapkan perhatian lebih dari dia… aku sudah berusaha dengan sangat keras…

not that he's not appreciate my work, but i want more than that… i want to be noticed by him…

not just being ignored, not even saying anything to my morning greeting… not even see me…

even a guy who works on the next floor is noticing me, he looked at me with admiration… he's kinda cute… but seems too young…

aarrgghhh… i need a distraction…
the high pile of works is definitely not a good distraction…


on 10/28/2012

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